


Remember Me

by GenesisKey (LokiLover84)



Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiLover84/pseuds/GenesisKey
Summary: Youngjae has to deal with the death of his best friend.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> Another 1k+ fic, another effort to get myself out of my funk. Many thanks to my bff. (A.K.A Slave-driver!) Love you!

“Let’s talk about how you’re feeling today, Youngjae.”

The teen slanced up from under the thick fringe of his bangs, feeling a stab of annoyance at his therapist’s smiling continence, which he had never seen crack in the months he had been coming to see her. She was always unfailingly polite, caring, and soft-spoken, no matter how Youngjae acted. He hated it. He wanted to lash out, to break the pretty glass bottles she had sitting on her windowsill, reflecting colored light into the room, to smash anything he could get his hands on, to break his therapist’s pretty face, until the room resembled his inner turmoil and hate. 

But Youngjae did none of the things he wanted. He choked down his fury, blinking slowly, as if he had nothing to say, or was too bored to speak. The silence stretched on, and Youngjae had to refrain from fidgeting in his chair, his fingers curled over the arms, squeezing under the camouflage of his sleeves. He didn’t want to speak, he hated this, hated his life, hated  _ himself- _

“I’m furious.”

The words came out before Youngjae even knew he was really thinking about them. A look of surprise flitted across the therapist’s face, quickly hidden as she leaned forward slightly. 

“Ok. Do you want to talk about what’s making you angry?”

Youngjae shook his head, biting his tongue and fighting furiously against the tears that suddenly sprang to his eyes. 

“You should know. It’s the reason I’ve been forced to come here, week after week, to talk about my  _ feelings,  _ to process the  _ tragedy-” _

Youngjae’s voice broke and he raised his hands to his eyes, rubbing them desperately against the tears. 

“Youngjae. What you’re saying is true. You may not want to be here, you probably greatly resent having to come and see me every week, but this is an essential part of your healing. Now, we’re out of time for this session, but please, hold on to this. Let this be the breakthrough that it is, and next week we will continue.”

Youngjae didn’t respond, just rose to his feet, paced to the door, and walked out. 

  
  


Youngjae went straight to his room when he got home, grabbing his favorite pillow and curling around it. He stared at the wall, noting the slow passing of time out of the corner of his eye as the sky outside his window slowly darkened, and the streetlight outside came on, throwing a splash of gold on his wall. 

_ Nine o’clock. _

Youngjae shut his eyes against the tears, but didn’t fight too hard as the trickled out, dripping over the bridge of his nose and rolling down his cheek to leave dark splotches on the midnight blue cover beneath him. 

_ Nine o’clock, and his phone should be ringing. It had been their thing, his and Felix’s, ever since they were children. Once last, short conversation before they fell asleep, no matter how long it had been since they’d seen each other.  _

_ But the phone wouldn’t ring now, no matter how hard Youngjae squeezed his eyes and wished, his heart breaking painfully in his chest again, just like it had for the past- how many nights now? _

The tears came faster, Youngjae muffling his sobs into his pillow, only soft hitches in his breath disturbing the tomb-like silence of his room. He knew his mom wouldn’t bother him, his dad wouldn’t be home for hours, and so he drifted off to sleep. 

_ “Youngjae!” _

_ Felix’s voice came from behind him, soft and sweet, like the boy it belonged to. But Youngjae wasn’t fooled- Felix had the voice of an angel that could soar and swoop, going from plush and gentle to deep and hard, and it made his dreams of being a singer seem tantalizingly possible.  _

_ Youngjae turned, eyes lighting up when he saw his friend running toward him. Felix’s face lit up, his lips turned into a blinding smile, and Youngjae giggled loudly when Felix hurled himself into Youngjae’s arms.  _

_ But… _

_ “Fe-Felix. You can’t be here. You’re-” _

_ “Dead? Yeah, I know.” _

_ Felix tossed his head back and laughed at the shocked look on his friend’s face, but sobered after a moment. His eyes locked with Youngjae’s, and he looked serious.  _

_ “Youngjae, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” _

_ Youngjae opened his mouth, ready to argue, but Felix placed his hand over Youngjae’s lips and Youngjae couldn’t help but nod, letting Felix know he was listening.  _

_ “Youngjae. I love you, you know that. And I always will. But you gotta know that what happened wasn’t your fault.” _

_ “But- If I hadn’t been so insistent- if I had only listened to my mom, to you, then you’d still be-” _

_ Youngjae choked on the word “alive”. If he had been more patient, Felix would still be alive. If he hadn’t insisted that Felix’s mom drive him to Youngjae’s house, even though she was tired and not feeling well. If only he had listened when his mom suggested that just one more night apart wouldn’t kill Youngjae- _

_ “Stop it.” _

_ Felix’s voice was soft but firm, like dark velvet over steel.  _

_ “I can almost hear what you’re thinking. Stop with the ‘what-ifs’. You wanted to see me- no one can fault you for that. We were- are- best friends. You wanted to give me my birthday present on my birthday, because you missed my party because of your piano recital. There’s no shame in that, Youngjae. You didn’t make my mom agree, you didn’t make that guy go out and drink, you didn’t hold a gun to his head and force him to get behind the wheel of his truck, when he was too drunk-” _

_ Felix’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and he wiped them away quickly.  _

_ “It’s hard to understand, I know. But, you can’t blame yourself for the rest of your life. Trust me, Youngjae, I’ve seen the two paths your life can take because of this. If you stay on the path you’re treading right now, in a few years, it won’t be my family grieving the loss of a son- it’ll be yours. But, if you let down the walls you’ve built up, your future is brighter than you could ever imagine. You’ll be famous if you make the right calls, earn the love of a wonderful woman- and raise a kid you might make my namesake.” _

_ Youngjae’s eyes widened. Was it possible? Could his future be as amazing- or as brutal- as Felix was describing? But of course, it could be. Felix would never lie to him- _

_ “Where do I start?” _

_ Felix grinned.  _

_ “Well, that’s totally up to you. But I might suggest talking to your therapist. She’s a wonderful woman, and I’m thinking that you might find her daughter intriguing.” _

_ Youngjae swallowed, then he was moving, wrapping Felix in a bone-crushing hug.  _

_ “I’m gonna miss you, Felix. So much.” _

_ Felix wrapped his arms around his best friend.  _

_ “Hey, I’m gonna miss you too. But, I’ll never be far away from you. Oh, and one last thing. When you go to get that tattoo, think of me, yeah?” _

_ Youngjae barked out a laugh, pulling from Felix’s warm embrace-  _

“Youngjae, sweetie, wake up. You have a phone call.”

Youngjae opened his eyes slowly, blinking blearily up at his mom, who was holding the phone in her outstretched hand. He didn’t even bother to ask who it was, already knowing there was only one person who would be calling at this time. 

“Mrs. Choi- I think we need to talk.”


End file.
